Belgium

There, I said it. I don’t have the same excitement about or fulfillment from traveling alone the way that I used to before.

Ever since age 18, I’ve been traveling by myself across the US, Canada, Europe and Asia. I used to love solo travel, especially before the pandemic; there was something about it that felt exciting and liberating.

I remember in 2020, I told my then-therapist that I didn’t have the same urge to travel anymore. While many people were looking to explore during and after the lockdown, I was simply seeking stability and happiness in my own home. I didn’t feel the need to “run away” like I used to, but that quickly changed a couple years later, when my ex and I went through our divorce after a ten-year relationship.

Now, the way I travel looks entirely different. Instead of hopping on planes and trains, I’m far more happy driving across the country with my husband and with Linley still. Even our honeymoon last year was a “Tracey Trio” roadtrip, rather than a lavish European getaway or tropical all-inclusive resort.

Today, I sit on a train heading from Ghent back to Brussels, where I’ve been alone for a handful of days. I absolutely hate it! I hate being alone. It makes being in a new place feel damp when it used to fill my cup immensely. All I’ve kept thinking was, “Alex would love this; I wish he was here with me,” or “Awe that dog is so cute! I miss Linley so much!”

I know I’ll be traveling alone for my ESL tutoring work; however, I won’t feel alone because I’ll be surrounded by children and villagers all day while I’m abroad. But there’s something about being physically alone that I don’t enjoy anymore, and that’s okay. It’s a sign that I’m changing and my priorities are loud and clear.

At least I got some cool pictures out of this, as well as some good meals. I know that minimizes things and I’m grateful to be here, and have also had some nice moments, but I can’t wait to see Alex here tomorrow!