September has been one of the most positive and transformative months I’ve had all year. I couldn’t be happier in my relationship with Alex, in my new Atlanta home, and with where the rest of 2023 is heading. Before I get too lost in the future, I wanted to reflect on the past month and how much has changed – and how much I’ve grown – in this short period of time.
Two of Alex’s closest friends got engaged earlier in September, and I was able to be part of their special day. I feel blessed to have a partner and best friend who makes me feel so included, and to have a dad who helped me move all the way from Michigan!
I haven’t laughed or celebrated this hard and this much in a long time! September brought many cherished memories with Alex, Emily (who visited me my second weekend of being a new Atlanta resident!) and people I’ve met along the way.
Alex and I also celebrated his best friend from high school as she married the love of her life last weekend. We look forward to many more weddings and milestone celebrations together!
We befriended a lovely couple at Amy’s and Danny’s welcome dinner!
I’ve been an Atlanta resident for exactly one week, and as happy and at home as I feel here, I miss my friends I met through work. This time last year I left Chicago for Michigan on much different terms (going through a divorce, feeling lost, unsure of the future) and now it’s the complete opposite—all thanks to my support system who helped me through difficult times back home.
I wouldn’t be the confident woman standing in Atlanta today if I didn’t have these friends by my side this past year. I only wish they were here with me. 💛
I love Alex. I love Vancouver. I love Seattle. I love all the memories made and food we ate and drinks we downed and laughs we shared. This adventure couldn’t have gone any better. As bittersweet as it was to leave Vancouver – and inch toward concluding our trip altogether – I know my move to Atlanta is approaching and I couldn’t be more excited about my/our future.
Alex and I stopped at a Chinese bakery on our way out of the city on Sunday, and ironically ran into Uncle Joe and Aunt Trish again! We shared some quick hugs and laughs regarding the situation, then bounced to get through customs and return the rental car in Seattle at a decent time. When the representative at customs asked how we knew each other, we both looked at one another and said, “We’re dating,” all giddy like we were kids again haha.
Our afternoon was spent wandering around Pike Place after dropping off the car and our bags, and I started to feel like myself again (my nightmares and wildfire smoke ingestion made me feel like I’d been in a fog all morning). Another Irish pub drinks and food, along with enjoying Alex’s company through the market as we checked out different stores, made everything better. I’d been to that area only once before, and holding Alex’s hand this time made for a much different and insurmountably fulfilling experience. We freshened up, met his cousin Jason for drinks at a local bar, and even made a new stranger-turned-friend Jennifer!
As enjoyable as a day I’d had with Alex, the best was yet to come; Alex had been on a boat tour a few days prior but recommended we go together at sunset this time. It didn’t disappoint! In fact, it was nothing short of magical (sorry, Disney!) With white wine and chips in tow, Alex and I snuggled up next to each other and soaked in the sun and the views. We saw other ships pass by and the sunset was awe-inspiring. The photos Alex and I took together are perfect representations of how much fun I was having—and how much I deeply care about this man. Heck, we even saw orcas, which I didn’t even see in Iceland! It was super sweet because Alex waited for me by the ladder from the bathroom, and helped me up so I could watch the whales with him. 💛
I always pose with both our drinks, so I made Alex do the same 😅🙈Posting this one for you, Alex, because it’s your favorite ☺️One of my personal favorites 🤩
Seeing the city at night was super cool, despite it being “the end.” Alex and I were given a blanket to cuddle up in and we definitely made the most of it. What an amazing bookend to an unforgettable vacation! Instead of seafood one last time, we went to a sketchy McDonald’s and enjoyed eating in bed before spending one last night in the Pacific Northwest together. I can’t wait to spend more time with Alex once I move in a few days; I miss him already.
Before I begin to write about my adventures in the Pacific Northwest, the jaunt from my house to the Detroit metro airport deserves a shoutout. I survived what was probably my scariest driving experience to-date (yes, even worse than the Michigan winter blizzards!) and met incredibly kind strangers along the way. The women getting on the airport shuttle and the passengers next to me on my flight to Seattle were amazing—as was the badass shuttle driver who pulled off this stunt:
I couldn’t wait to see Alex again after not seeing him for a few weeks. Our weekend in Atlanta was perfection and I couldn’t wait to be in his arms and presence once more. I also felt lucky enough to still meet his best friend (also coincidentally named Alex!) even though my flight was delayed a couple hours.
Before heading north to Vancouver, Alex and I met one of my coworkers-turned-friends Eli, who I’d actually never met in person until then. We ate delicious sandwiches and talked as though we’d all known each other for quite some time. Eli is seriously the sweetest and I’ll miss working with him very much! It was great to meet up and I know we’ll stay in touch.
The drive, the border crossing, and the much-needed map were all great and easy. I can’t put into words how much simply being next to Alex and experiencing all these little things with him means to me; I never thought I’d ever find love again – or at all – and I can honestly say that I’ve *never* had anything quite like *this.* Alex has quickly become my best friend.
We enjoyed drinks at a local French-style bar and a lovely dinner on Granville Island in Vancouver, where we ate our bodyweight in oysters, crab, yellowtail sashimi, Brussels sprouts and chowder. It was the perfect start to what was an effortlessly perfect vacation with Alex. 💛
On New Years Eve, I sat with a couple girlfriends on the west side of Michigan, as we wrote down our “resolutions” (I put that word in quotation marks because I like to think of it as more ‘aspirational’ than specific, quantifiable ‘goals’). January has been an exceptionally hard month: seeing my ex-husband for the first time since our divorce and leaving Chicago, losing my dad’s best friend who we weren’t able to see prior to her passing, no longer being able to trust one of my male friends because he led me to believe he was someone he wasn’t, and my depression overall rapidly getting worse. Each month, I’m going to track my progress on each of my wishes for no one other than myself — but feel free to tag along if you wish.
Wish #1: ???
I decided to keep this one to myself for now, but plan to write more about this when the time is right.
Wish #2: Travel to South Africa, & plan other trips…
One of my best friends and her husband recently moved to Atlanta, Georgia from Johannesburg. Andy and I have worked together since the spring, and we became extremely close after all the project managers got together in person in August. Andy and Shawn are the kindest, funniest, most supportive people I could ask for in my life right now — both as individuals and as a couple. They’ve both been through difficult divorces in the past, and inspire me and give me hope that my true love exists — and that I’ll find him someday soon, without settling or compromising my beliefs or self worth. I visited them in Atlanta last weekend and I seriously needed all the laughs, time outdoors, lazy mornings watching TV and meeting more of their South African friends in the area.
Coincidentally, I’ve wanted to visit South Africa since I was about 10 years old. Andy and Shawn really want me to tag along with them the next time they return home. Whether that’s this summer or sometime in 2024, I look forward to my time with them, and to the other adventures abroad that are on the horizon for 2023.
Wish #3: Figure out my health bullshit!
As it turns out, I did indeed have a kidney infection, NOT a gallbladder or pancreas issue. Thank goodness I visited the Women’s Hospital of UofM, or else I probably would’ve had my gallbladder removed unnecessarily. If I still experience symptoms, I’ll be returning to the urologist for further testing, but for now I should be in the clear and my levels – and pain – are stable. I also made an appointment for my back problems and although my spine will never look the way I’d like it to, it was a relief to know that it “isn’t noticeable” to the average person — and now I can start planning for a new tattoo.
Wish #4: Find home in a physical place the way I have found home in myself…
I love who I am: I love how I look, I know what I deserve and I wouldn’t change anything about who I am as a person. HOWEVER, I do not feel at home here in Michigan. I left Michigan for a reason (or, several reasons…) and just because Chicago wasn’t my home either, doesn’t mean that I have to settle for less than I deserve here. Sure, some really good things have come out of me being here again, but my time here has been full of letdowns, false problems, and physical, emotional and mental pain. Maybe I’ll receive a permanent residency permit so I can live in Toronto. Maybe I’ll move somewhere closer to one of my best friends on the east coast. Maybe I’ll move to Charlotte, North Carolina because I had the best time with some of the best people this summer. Or maybe I’ll go somewhere totally new. The overwhelming possibilities are endless, but not all those who wander are lost.
Wish #5: More ink!
As previously mentioned, I’m planning my next tattoo, but am also working on finishing my foot/ankle and really want to get my dog’s paw print on my other ankle soon.
Wish #6: Find a passion – new or old.
I’m definitely getting back into music. As a kid, I was able to play three or four different instruments and found that music was a great outlet for me. Maybe I’ll get back into the piano or play something totally new — either way, I’m excited to explore this more. I also want to start swimming laps at a local gym every day, but am waiting until I relocate because figuring that out is like swimming laps in and of itself!
Wish #7: Heal from my marriage, time in Chicago, friendships ending…
It’s nearly impossible to put a timeline on this one. Progress isn’t linear with this one! Some days I feel on top of the world; others I feel like I’m drowning in my own depression, feeling like the universe is kicking me while I’m down. Seeing my ex-husband earlier in the month was necessary for my own healing, yet it was one of the saddest, heartbreaking things I’ve done. Being around someone you loved and who loved you for nearly a decade… and not being able to be with them in that capacity anymore… unless you’ve tried remaining friends with the person you thought was your soulmate is… hard to explain. It’s soul-crushing. I would give anything to go back to the good times where we both were happy — but my ex-husband doesn’t exactly feel the same way. I had to stare acceptance in the face and truly accept that things will never be as they were. Typing that even now – nearly a month later – feels daunting and depressing.
However… I am opening my heart where and when it needs to be open. I’m not only setting boundaries, but am finally adhering to them. I’m creating space for new friendships and new love, and although I’m losing hope, I haven’t fully given up yet. I wish I didn’t have to struggle this much and feel all this hurt within my heart — but I can only hope it all has to be worth it on the other side.
Wish #8: More bonding experiences with Lin!
I majorly need to step this one up. Because I live with my parents at the moment, Linley has shared the love between all three of us — making it hard to have that quality time I need with him. I hope to plan more adventures with Linley: before, during and after we relocate somewhere new. He’s the best dog in the whole world, and is my favorite adventure buddy!
Wish #9: More reading, cooking, exploring, saying “yes” and “no” when I want…
Saying “no” – even when it’s best for me – is still something I feel extremely guilty about. This is probably one of my biggest personal hurdles I need to jump leaps and bounds over this year. The good news is that I’m reading and cooking much more than I have in the past, and the exploring is still going strong! Over Martin Luther King Jr. weekend, my dad and I made homemade gluten free calzones and fish and chips. I’m excited to try even more recipes with the people I love most!
Wish #10: Finding community who loves and accepts me for me…
For the first time in my 29 years of life, I finally have this at work. I can be myself, crack my jokes, bring my personality to all of my projects, consultants and client teams, and feel valued for my contributions. I have never had community in my own family, or in my physical location. I hope to find this when I leave Michigan as well; I want to find that group who I feel deeply connected with and not for the sake of “fitting in” — but truly belonging as I am.
As my last couple of weeks in the mitten come to a close, I move into my new season of life with a full heart. I was able to spend time with my best friends and although no time spent is ever enough, I’m heading to my new home with happiness and peace in my decisions. I could think that my time in Michigan was filled with “lasts,” but I’m truly elated for all of the upcoming “firsts” to be experienced with my small family unit 😌
September 1 – spending the evening with an old neighbor/friend, and our dogs
September 2 – celebrating a friend’s birthday with sushi and cocktails in Ann Arbor
September 3 – a long overdue phone call with one of my best friends from Asheville
September 4 – all-day quality time with one of my best friends and our dogs, filled with much needed conversations and exploring
September 5 – breakfast with a dear friend who instantly makes me feel at home, and floating in Ann Arbor with two friends and Linley
September 6 – a morning walk along the river
September 7 – floating down some rapids with one of my best friends, right before the storm
September 8 – spending nearly all day on the couch with Juan, watching Never Have I Ever while I worked
September 9 – Linley’s “Gotcha Day!” festivities
September 10 – we received an offer on our house and took Linley on a nice afternoon walk
September 11 – Linley’s third Doggie Splash and dinner with good friends
September 12 – our last hike at the arboretum
September 13 – morning snuggles with Juan and Linley before work and a much-needed phone call with a dear friend
September 14 – a night on the town, all on my friend Donna
September 15 – another great night with a friend in Detroit, and watching Lin run and play with his friends
For those of us in the United States, Memorial Day weekend can mean a variety of things, even though its main purpose is to celebrate those we lost in service. I strongly disagree with the reasons why we enter into war, but I support those who defend our nation for the right reasons, and heavily reflect on my family members and friends who have served overseas.
With that being said, I’m not only reflecting on my loved ones who have served today; I’m also relishing in past memories with others who I’m not as close with anymore. For some reason, I’ve traveled somewhere on or around Memorial Day weekend in recent years and cannot stop wishing to be back in those places, with those individuals, during those exact moments in life.
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina (May 2018)
One of the happiest days of my life
Empire, Michigan (May 2020)
One of my favorite days last spring
I wish things were different with my loved ones. Maybe things will be better again or maybe they never will be, but either way I can cherish these memories and plan future adventures with friends.
I wish all of you a safe, healthy and fun-filled Memorial Day weekend!
I wanted to put a pause on my regular travel posts and write about something that’s been lingering in the forefront of my mind this year.
I’ve been struggling with long-term extended family estrangement and somewhat short-term immediate family drama, as well as some pretty upsetting friendship breakups. I won’t go into specifics in order to protect those around me, but I’ve been in a dark place for about a year or so now. As one can imagine, this has taken a toll on my mental health.
I recently heard a quote on one of my favorite podcasts that goes a little something like this:
“Depression is the greatest acting teacher. I can smile through anything even though I just want the ground to open up and swallow me whole.” If that doesn’t hit you like a semi truck, I’m not sure what will…
I’m not a therapist or licensed professional by any means, but I wanted to share some strategies I’ve been applying to help with the pain of broken friendships and family relationships. It’s important to note that all of these points coincide with each other and this is the “flow” as I see it. Remember: everyone’s journey is highly personal and individual.
1. Don’t change who you are for those around you.
I have a lot of people in my life – family members in particular – who will never be proud of me, no matter what I do. In the past and present, I have been laughed at or mocked for my dreams and ambitions. Family members have and will continue to make me feel small to build themselves up. About five years ago, I chose to let them go as opposed to clinging onto the gaslighting and the guilt (e.g.: “well, I guess it’s your choice if you don’t want to be here” comments when THEY were the ones hurting ME).
2. Create your own closure.
Oftentimes we find that friendship and family breakups seem abrupt, without true closure. I was best friends with someone for nearly 12 years and I’ve been thinking about our good times lately. But with that, I’ve also been thinking of the bad. The truth is that she was like an older sister to me, whereas I was her “plan b”/“second choice” friend for a very long time. Write a goodbye letter. Get rid of photos. Do something that allows you to create your own closure. Remember, don’t change yourself to fit others’ narratives of you.
3. Try not to hate the person on the other end.
It would be so easy for me to say, “She was a horrible person because of X, Y and Z.” Although there are times I’ve been hurt by family and friends (and honestly still am hurting from recent experiences), I try my damnedest to acknowledge that we all have flaws and shortcomings. I realize this is much easier said than done, but I’m hoping this will make me a better, stronger person in the end.
4. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings.
Conversely, it’s okay to be angry, hurt, frustrated or upset. As long as you aren’t taking it out on the other person, allow yourself to reflect on your feelings in the present moment. Thinking of a past memory you miss? Cry. Thinking of how good things were in the past? Smile. The more you hold back and shove your feelings into a corner of your mind, the longer it’ll take you to move on.
5. Focus on yourself and the great relationships in your life.
I may never have a best friend who reminds me of an older sister ever again, but I do have amazing friends in my life. I feel loved every day, even if it isn’t by a family member. I may never be close with my family, but I have several friends-turned-family relationships that fill my heart. Be around like-minded, supportive people who will always be there for you (and always be there for them, too!).
Every day of 2020 has felt like an overwhelming struggle, but I am much more resilient than I was before. “When life hands you lemons, they say to make lemonade, but you can’t make lemonade without any sugar.”
I hope these tips help you as much as they’ve helped me 🙂
Once Johanna and I parted ways with our friend Taylor in Dublin, we ventured off to Edinburgh!
The above photo is our view from the hostel we stayed at! Who else could say that they slept across the street from something as beautiful as this?!
Johanna and I are both of Scottish heritage, so being in an area of such rich history and culture meant the world to us.
Being able to casually and conveniently stroll within the castle walls was one of my favorite parts of the trip; this is something that is extra special as an American! Our country is so new that castles are alien to us, thus why it is on many of our bucket lists to visit them in Europe. The Edinburgh Castle is one of my personal favorites not only because of its size, but because of its deep-rooted history with England and so on.
Mary Queen of Scots is one of my ancestors; being in the location where she and her family lived years ago is something I will never take for granted. I am truly proud of my Scottish and French heritage on my mom’s side!
The following day, the two of us went on a free walking tour recommended by our hostel staff. I wasn’t surprised to see two stereotypical things about Scotland on our tour: whisky and scotch signs, as well as cashmere scarves! I had to try some and buy some…
Although I saw what I imagined in Edinburgh, it was refreshing to see things that I didn’t anticipate, such as colorful, bright buildings.
Our tour guide was so knowledgeable (Sheldon Cooper status) and was extremely passionate about J.K. Rowling’s influence on Edinburgh, and vice versa. He showed our group the places in which Rowling received her inspiration(s) while creating her infamous Harry Potter characters; she took character names from this here cemetery!
Of course we had to visit where Rowling sent her sons to school (aka: Hogwarts’ inspiration)!
This little puppy statue is lucky, only if you rub his nose though!
The above photo was taken as Johanna and I had tea in the cafe in which Rowling penned her ideas for Harry Potter: Elephant and Castle. The bathroom was filled with what I’ll call “Potter Postings” from fans; her brother-in-law who owns the cafe tried covering them up at first, but fans are “too” passionate for Potter!
The two of us also climbed (part of, a VERY small part of) Arthur’s Seat. We were ratchet and didn’t feel like climbing the entire thing; all the rich and sweet food we ate must have had us out of shape! From what we did see, it was as incredible as expected!
Simply wandering around Edinburgh was enough to make Johanna and me happy; the contrast between the day and night in the city is parallel to Edinburgh’s light and dark sides (of history, culture, etc.).
And obviously, the food was solid in Scotland. If only this macaron place was in my hometown…
Traveling with the Traceys 