[Spoiler alert: Yes, this will ultimately be a lovely post about Alex’s and my love story, but I need to explain the hell I’ve been through to make you appreciate the journey more. 💛]

In May of 2023, I was blindsided by someone I was “dating” long-distance (I put “dating” in quotes because I thought we were dating; he claimed we weren’t after the fact…) I’d known this person since February and we spoke every day, made efforts to see each other when possible… but then one day around Mother’s Day, he ghosted, then “zombied” (which is coming back from ghosting with a bunch of excuses), then ghosted again. Although I had zero interest in being with this individual after nearly a week or more of not answering my messages, he was a narcissist and claimed that me asking questions about what happened and why he ghosted was “wasting each others’ time” and that he didn’t want to “lead me on” as I was trying to find closure. Even when I said that I wanted feedback for the man I was actually meant to be with (NOT him), his gaslighting was through the roof.

The above bullshit (pardon my French) took place during and after my marriage. The rollercoaster of addiction (including “dry drunk” behaviors for over five+ years), the physical and emotional abandonment and gaslighting/lack of accountability ran rampant no matter how “good” we were, where we lived or how much quality time we even spent together. After the marriage ended, I felt like I had this revolving door of men — even though I wasn’t seeking male attention or making first moves. I was blindsided, ghosted, used… by about four or five guys before I’d met Alex, and as mad as I am at them, I’m disappointed that I hadn’t set better boundaries – both physical and emotional – after the divorce.

[TLDR: My whole life has been spent searching for the love from someone else who sees me the way *I* see *myself.* A lot of people may think I seem insecure or like a love addict myself, when really I’ve always wanted that best friend who truly saw me, loved to spend time and travel with me, who would laugh with me and hug me even on our hardest days… all because I never had a stable, grounded family life. I’ve been confident in myself and who I am since day one, and finding someone who felt the same about me AND themself has been a challenge… all until I met Alex…]

On Father’s Day weekend of 2023, Linley and I went camping on what used to be our annual Empire Trail and Beach hike in northern Michigan, when we lived in the Midwest. (Let’s face facts: Linley is and always will be my first love, my partner in crime, my best friend!) Spending time in nature snuggled up with my little guy made me realize that there was someone out there for me; I just had to be more intentional in finding him (re: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results).

I’d known I would be moving to Atlanta later that summer/early fall by this point, so why not try online dating with someone who a) was also dating intentionally and b) would want to get to know me before I even moved to Atlanta and c) I could be honest about my past marriage and dating history with. So, I did just that!

I joined Coffee Meets Bagel on June 23, had matches starting June 24, and matched with Alex on June 27 of 2023 (I have problems, don’t ask me how I can remember those dates!) Our first phone call was July 4, our first video call was probably less than a week after that, we left audio messages on days we couldn’t video chat and even saw each other in person twice in one month before I’d moved down here on Linley’s Gotcha Day. I’d known I loved Alex since before even meeting him in person last summer, but I knew I was in love with him late August/early September.

Over the weekend, we celebrated our one year anniversary. I can’t wait to share more about how we recreated our first weekend together! But for now, I wanted to write the above for ME, because I don’t think I’ve ever really wrote about the journey — even for myself. 💛