Today has been a strange one: Alex’s grandmother passed, and it never snowed. I was so looking forward to visiting Lau Lau more and was looking forward to celebrating Chinese New Year with her next month. The last time I saw her was Christmas and I wish I’d spent more time with her — both then and in general.

And is not seeing snow in Atlanta a big deal today? No. But the snow always makes me think of Michigan, my former home, and always makes me think of fond memories there. I’m not close with family but I am close with my parents, so I’m inevitably missing them more today. The snow always brought us together, even when things were distant.

I miss Lau Lau already and wish I could’ve spent more time with her. I don’t have a relationship with my parent’s moms, and it was warming to have Lau Lau welcome me the way she did. And I miss my parents and I wish my relationship with them was less strained. I wish I didn’t feel guilt about distancing myself, both physically and emotionally, from family members who’ve repeatedly hurt me before. Maybe I wish they’d never have hurt me at all. I’m just thinking about family and the complexity of it so much today.

What I can control is my new immediate family: Alex and Linley. Together, we’re the Tracey Trio, and before that, it felt like Linley and me against the world.

In honor of this, I wanted to post some media in reverse chronological order, ranging from our big Atlanta snow storm last January, all the way to Linley’s first ever time seeing snow in 2017. Atlanta is our new home now, but home is wherever my heart is, and my heart is always whole with my two favorite guys. And although I’m not religious but am definitely spiritual, I know Lau Lau is with her husband again, and I hope her heart is full as well. 🥹